Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
