What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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