I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
