I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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