She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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