drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
