my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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