If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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