i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
