There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
