You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
