I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.