I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms