my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??