Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.