It's like God shit irony all over that family
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?