mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
