If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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