Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize