Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My vagina just clenched in fear
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