smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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