i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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