Kiss
Puke
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
