After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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