but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
