nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
