he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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