to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
