people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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