omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
