You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
