my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
