There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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