using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
