3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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