At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just threw up on my dentist
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.