I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
