Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
