he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
