Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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