so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
