Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
