Me too!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
