he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
