so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
