Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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