he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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