what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
