At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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