Will you blow on my dice?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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