there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
