the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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