So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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