I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
