I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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