Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your tits are I can't wait for
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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