All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
