Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
