Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
