there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
