between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
