How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
