I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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