just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
