I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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