I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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