So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
