Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
