I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
