it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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