if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
