i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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