I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
