This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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