I think I won the penis lottery.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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