I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
