make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
